In my previous blog post I talked a lot about how God has and is helping me overcome my past. One part of my past that continues to pain me is my lack of a father. When I say lack I mean, the guy didn't exist. I'm the result of a few to many drinks at the bar, I know that is a harsh way of stating it, but the truth is the truth can be harsh sometimes.
Now the only good thing this guy did for me is bring me into the world; besides that he is a ghost, a name that i have cursed for years and clenched my fists at. The truth is I have carried an incredible hate for him for years, so much so that I have even thought about looking him up online and showing up and decking him in the face and leaving. Honestly though that would do know good, wouldn't get rid of this deeply rooted hate that has dug deep inside my heart inhibiting me from becoming the man God wants me to become. You're probably asking yourself how can I hate someone I don't even know? Well here is how, he took advantage of my mom, left me with a rare genetic disease, and ruined any chance of having the picture perfect family (which has been a blessing: discussed later). Well this is where God steps in.
God has been teaching me to let go of this hate, because this very hate has been holding me back from his plan for my life. All these years that I've been holding onto this hate, its been causing me to bask in insecurity and overlook the love around me. Well I can tell you those days are over, no longer will I overlook the love that surrounds me, yeah I don't have a traditional family on paper but that wouldn't work for me anyways. Those of you who know me, know that I'm a goofy guy who is pretty nontraditional and has the knack for the unexpected. I sit here writing this truly free, God has uprooted the hate and tore it from my heart and cast it into a flame. It is pretty funny that I randomly came across Colossians 3:5 the other day (pretty sure God just chuckled as I wrote this....random? yeah right) it states, "Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry." What really hit me hard in that verse was the three words put to death. Now its not to often that you find comfort in those words but I'm going to say I do, because with God I'm putting to death this hate I've been carrying for years and replacing it with love. No longer am I going to overlook the love I'm surrounded with and the fact that God blessed me with a father now who is my role model and someone who I look and love dearly. It's time for me to become who God wants me to become!
I'm going to end with a quick analogy for what is happening in my life on a daily basis now. At a camp I worked at the summer of my sophomore year of college, there was an obstacle called the Leap of Faith. This consisted of a twenty-five foot telephone pole with rungs to climb, at the top was a small platform to stand on, with a bar about five or so feet out suspended in air. Well what you do is you climb to the top and stand on the platform, which shakes in the wind (kind of a knee knocker) and you leap forward and try to grab the bar. Well I say this because this is what God is doing in my life now, calling me to leave my place of comfort and step to the edge and.....Leap! A leap out into the unknown, but I tell you one thing I do know is that God is there to catch me if I fall and with that assurance I move forward without second thought.
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