Stepping Up

      If you were to ask me how long I've been a Christian, my answer would be I accepted Christ when I was eight years old after an Awanas Club meeting at Wheaton Evangelical Free Church; but the truth is I've been a poser for sixteen years. You could say that my life lately has been rather two-face in church on Sunday and in a bar on Saturday (Well those times are done). Really the truth is that I've just been going through the motions, using God as a crutch instead of letting God use me.

      The funny thing is that God has used me even if I was unwilling to step up and let him use me. A great example of this was the summer after my sophomore year of college. A couple of my good friends Sarah and Kamron convinced me to work at a summer camp called Deer Creek Adventure Camp in Medina, Texas. Well I agreed, not thinking much of it accept that I needed a summer job anyways. Well it was during my sophomore year that I declared to myself I didn't need God and had completely turned my back on him, well looks like the joke was on me because Deer Creek was a Christian camp located in the middle of nowhere surrounded by God's presence. To make a long story short, it was six weeks full of God speaking to me through my kids in my cabin and my fellow counselors working the camp. But the most humbling thing was that God used me to lead three kids to Christ that summer, yeah me, the guy who had turned his back on God.

      Well you think something would've clicked inside of me, but the truth is that I'm pretty stubborn (I think I learned that from my older sister haha). That summer I realized that I had a passion for working with youth, but I still hadn't come to realizing my passion for God. It has become clear to me now that God used my passion for youth to continue to help chip away at my hardened heart through experiencing him in every summer camp I worked at, through every kid that I mentored. He continued to use me as a vessel and a mentor even though I didn't see myself as up to the task.

      For two years now God has been calling me to lead a small group, and the truth is that this calling frightens me to the core. So I've continued to push it aside, because I don't see myself strong enough in walk with Christ to lead a group of young men in a small group setting, not to mention that I'm a rather Hot N' Cold Christian (Katy Perry pun intended). Well it wasn't till today that I finally realized that I am  capable to lead and I came to this conclusion through God using my best friend Austin. Today while Austin was reading and praying he felt God lead him to text me these words: "Ryan you're the best representative of what God is wanting you to do. Not in a few weeks or a few days, but right now! Ryan God called you to lead a small group, so lead. You're God's instrument for this situation." I will admit to you that I broke down completely (That is a man's way of saying he cried...okay I wept). I've been running from God's callings in my life for years because I didn't see myself as fit to be a ambassador for God, but God has made it clear to me that it's my time to step up!.

      It's funny that today happened to be the day that I also reached the chapter titled You are God's Ambassador in Craig Groeschel's new book Altar Ego. Is this a coincidence? Not a chance, God knows exactly what he is doing. Well in this chapter God spoke through Craig addressing one of the things that has been holding me back from stepping up for years now, the fact that I'm not strong in my faith. How am I supposed to lead others, when my past is filled with things I'm not proud of and the fact that I'm weak in my faith. Well the answer I found in 2 Corinthians 5:17, "Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" With God in my life I don't have to worry about who I was, its time to realize who I am, an ambassador for Christ! (See John 15:16-19) Even though it is still hard to grasp that God can use me, I need to look no farther than Paul. Paul killed Christians for many years before God called him to lead people to Christ. Now I'm not saying that I'm going to make a Paul like impact, but I'm confident that God will use me in the way he is intending. God has given me given me everything I need to do everything he wants me to do.

      I'm going to end with this as my prayer: "I have been crucified with Christ; my old life is gone. Nevertheless, I live. But it's no longer I who live, you see, it's Christ living through me.