Overcomer in Christ

Many of you who read might not know this, but I'm adopted. The funny thing is that if you've ever seen pictures of my family, you would never know this; but its the truth and is probably the biggest blessing in my life. The truth is though, this wasn't always my mindset. My early childhood up till third grade could be summed up in one word unstable. From birth till about age six I bounced around between living with my mother and my grandma to living with my aunt and uncle house. Now don't get me wrong, everyone of these people involved in my early life loved me dearly and I loved them more than anything else in this world. But bouncing back and forth from home to home made me feel like a pinball, I would start the school year in one school and end in another.  As a early elementary student I couldn't comprehend what was going on, I just viewed the switches to live with my cousins as extended visits. But the truth was my home life was unstable.

    Well the root behind the instability was the fact that my mom struggled with alcohol and has schizophrenia. My memories of my years up to being six are fragmented, there are times I feel like Jason Bourne when I try to remember things in the past, there is so much haze. I can tell you one memory that changed my life forever. I was six years old and my mom had a BAD day as my grandma used to call them, we'll it turns out she didn't have her meds that day on top of being drunk; the result was the scariest moment of my life. My mom came home in a rage over I don't know what, but I remember sitting in my room playing with transformers when  a small nightstand came flying into my rooms smashing into my wall followed by many expletives. I stood up and ran for what I believed to be my life running as fast as my little six year old legs could take me into my grandmas room where I locked the door behind me. What happened next is something that still pains me today, but I picked up the phone and dialed 911 on my mother. This is the day that changed my life forever.

    Now I want you to know that my mom loved me dearly and still does and she wasn't abusive and would've never laud a finger on me; but that day she was cuffed and taken in. It was then that she made one of the most courageous acts of love I have ever witnessed; she gave up her rights as a parent because she realized she couldn't take care of me, as a six year old this was something I couldn't grasp but it is so clear now. I was put into foster care program and was blessed to only make one stop before I ended up the biggest god sends in my life, my parents now. The first day I ever meant my mom and dad was at counseling, they came to meet me and I remember I was drawing a picture of two people. These figures were "past man" and "future man", my dad asked who they were and I told him who they were, and that future man was my favorite. There it was, as a six year old I was ready for something new, something better and man is God so faithful.

    I write all this to paint a picture of how I became someone who was and still is at times immensely insecure. When my parents finally gained custody of me, I was an eight year old who couldn't even look adults in the eye and still struggled with wetting the bed. It is this very sense of insecurity that has crippled me for years and honestly is still struggle I deal with on a daily basis. Satan has used my sense of insecurity to hold me captive for all these years, but NOT ANYMORE! It has been through my reading of Craig Groeschel's new book Altar Ego, that I have fully realized what my problem was. All these years I have been searching for the approval of others. Whether this approval was sports, school, relationships, etc. if I got approval from these things I would feel good about myself, but on the opposite end if there wasn't the approval I would shut down.

    In chapter three of Altar Ego, Craig is talking about being an overcomer. His main focus is that we can all overcome our biggest challenges or enemies, but this is through Christ who loved us. One of the biggest things that notice myself doing is always asking why things happen to me, I throw pity parties for myself and play the victim. The truth is that God never promised that life would be easy, but he has promised to be with us every step of the way. He has overcome this world and death itself (John 16:33) so there is not a doubt in my mind that he can't overcome my insecurities. Psalm 18:29 "In God's strength I can crush any army; with God I can s cable any wall." I knowing not up against a physical army but nonetheless these words are so comforting.

    Today I'm going to end by saying that God is going to help ,e crush my crippling sense of insecurity and has helped me realize how much I am loved and especially how much He loves me. This day forward I want to live by this verse: Galatians 1:10 "Obviously, I'm nit trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be God's servant."